I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
