4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
