I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
