If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Come on in and take your pants off
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