I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
