you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
