i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
