So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
