Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
