a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
