I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This couple is walking their pig around campus
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
