his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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