Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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