elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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