Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
