what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My ass is underappreciated
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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