I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
