I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
wow bdsm is so cute
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
