I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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