Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
