Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
