wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
