First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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