God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
