happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
