i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She announced her abortion via fbk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
