hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
