they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
