Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
