Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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