put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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