Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
