She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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