So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
