wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a blender
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
