You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
