I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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