just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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