i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
