i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
