We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
