True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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