I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
