I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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