Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
