Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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