just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were trust falling into bushes
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize