i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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