Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
