Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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