yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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