dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
