Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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