Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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