went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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