i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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