What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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