I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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