I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
