I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
