Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
