i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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