he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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