I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
