I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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