i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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