I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
