I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
