Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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