Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Randomize
Follow @tfln