Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?