Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.