He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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