My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
