I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
