dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
